A Side Story

Daniel was bored. Daniel was hungry. Either Daniel was bored or hungry or maybe both. He couldn’t tell. It was the sort off lazy Sunday afternoon where you’ve recovered from Saturday hangover and have nothing to do in the space between Sunday afternoon and Monday.

Daniel flipped a coin. Heads was hungry and tails was bored. The coin spun in the air for an eternal second and landed on heads. Hungry it was.

He had Pizza hut in speed-dial and called.

After ringing for a few seconds the usual recorded voice came on welcoming Daniel to Pizza hut. Daniel irritably waited for the recorded list of offers and discounts to finish, after which he pressed 2 to place his order. Nothing happened for a second and the recorded voice repeated the latest offers. Daniel pressed 2 again. The same thing happened.

Daniel grumbled and pressed 2 yet again in the same vein of people who do the same thing over again expecting a different result. Miraculously something changed. The recorded voice went away replaced by silence and an eerie melody. The melody faded even as Daniel felt if he’d been accidentally connected to the local phone psychic’s hotline, and someone greeted him in a pleasant voice. Daniel couldn’t tell if it was a male or female as the voice had that odd gender neutral tone, which is further garbled by a telephone line.

“Welcome to Pizza hut, can I verify if this is Daniel Malinowski calling from…” the operator proceeded to rattle of Daniel’s number and address as he was a repeat customer and was therefore in the Database. Daniel affirmed it with a grunt.

Before Daniel could ask for the usual Pizza though the operator interjected that he was the 50th caller of the day and won a free Pizza of his choice. They already had his address and phone number. They just needed a signature once the pizza arrived. Of course he did.

There was a finger in the pizza!! This was very shocking for D.. someone had gone to great lengths to give him the finger! Who could it be?! he thought.. obviously it’s someone who was missing ‘the Finger!’

But there were more pressing matters to attend to …the Pizza!! He was still hungry you know! If he didn’t eat the pizza the Finger man would win! and he would still be hungry. If he did eat the pizza he would satisfy his hunger, but…Cannibalism… of course he ate the pizza!! But was it before he realized it was Halloween candy? or after?!

We do not KNOW!

Ending provided by Sohan Reddy.

This is a thing now. had to share.

Sweet dreams. via George Takei’s Facebook page. Click the image to go there.

 

 

Sarah the Cheese Lady – Sarah the Cheese Lady

Sarah the Cheese Lady – Sarah the Cheese Lady.

ESCANABA — They call her “The Cheese Lady,” and she’s coming to the U.P. She’s a professional cheese sculptor who creates beautiful works of art from giant blocks of cheese.

Who cut the cheese? Sarah Kaufmann does it for a living. She’s “The Cheese Lady.” She travels the country carving enormous cheese sculptures. In a couple weeks, she’ll be carving a new sculpture at the U.P. State Fair of a farmer and his family out of a 640-pound cheddar cheese block. It will be her first time at the fair.

Contact with Aliens? Think Before You Call. | SETI Institute

Contact with Aliens? Think Before You Call. | SETI Institute.

My e-mail is frequently larded with interesting nuggets, such as this revelation:

“The aliens are in touch. Whenever I use my computer, they underline certain strange words on the screen … It’s a message.” Possibly. Then again, perhaps the correspondent should turn off the spell-check on his word processor.

 

 

 

Cheese and Lactose Intolerance

I find myself in a position where I’m currently unable to consume any cheese or most milk products. This leads me to an interesting point. A lot of new research is contradicting previous common knowledge that milk is a healthy and therefore necessary part of our daily diet. To quote a part of this article from nerdfitness.com creator Steve Kamb:

Dairy’s a tough one, as most Paleo folks tend to stay away from it – a portion of the world is lactose intolerant, and those that aren’t usually have at least some type of an aversion to it.  Why is that? Because no other animal in the entire kingdom drinks milk beyond infancy.  Hunter-gatherers didn’t lug cows around with them while traveling – milk was consumed as a baby, and that was it.  As with grains, our bodies weren’t designed for massive dairy consumption.

The man himself seems to be split on the issue and I so am I. Personally, I like cheese, especially the kind native to Germany & Switzerland. But that’s a rare treat indeed and I digress.

For a more detailed view, you  check out the definitive guide to dairy, which incidentally the nerdfitness.com article also links to. It’s a long article, so a warning in advance for those with short attention span.  But it explains  the whole milk controversy (incl. lactose intolerance) quite well. Look at east Asia: until being invaded by  the west almost all the most of the population there didn’t consume any milk products, because they’d never seen a cow before. And yet they were healthier than most. I say east Asia as the south had no shortage of milk (cows, buffaloes, goats).

Tl;dr:  your body doesn’t need milk or milk products, unless you are a child. No harm in having if you aren’t lactose intolerant.  Cheese in particular though isn’t  exactly the healthiest of foods, especially if  it is of the highly processed mass marketed kind.

The problem is that a lot of people don’t know this. The dairy industry may have a vested interest in keeping it that way just like the oil industry doesn’t want to let go of it’s monopoly on the fuel market.

Well I’m letting you know.  Spread the word.

Knee Surgery Apology

I recently had a kneecap re-alignment surgery performed on both knees, which that I had to be away for a month and was in no state of mind to post (pain & pain-killers). Due apologies to my few readers.

As always, it’s quality over quantity here at the stinking cheese. Keep an eye out for more cheesy stuff in the future.

The cheesy truth is out there! (Sorry, not sorry)

The future through cheese…paging Prof. Trelawney

The future through cheese…paging Prof. Trelawney

Tyromancy is the art of divining the future through cheese.

I kid you not. You thought looking at animal entrails or tea leaves was weird? Prof. Trelawney ain’t got nothing on this. Follow the shiny link.

Here at the stinking cheese we continue to share with you all things cheese related.

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On another note: This blog has been pretty quiet for the last month or so. There are two reasons for that.

1) Staff shortage

2) There will be no posts for the sake of posting. Quality above quantity is our motto.

So we apologize in advance if you miss your daily dose of strangeness.

If you wish to contribute, please message us in the comments and we’ll include your links. The stinking cheese is completely self-funded.

As always: Feedback is love, people! Comments are welcome.  So is spreading the word on this.

Pros And Cons Of Religion

Today we’re going to play devil’s advocate.
We’re going to take the opposition’s side and see things from their point of view. Why? To better take down their arguments from the inside. Like the Trojan horse (if you don’t what a Trojan horse is, Google is your friend). Today, ladies and gentlemen, we talk about *ominous silence* – THE ADVANTAGES OF RELIGIOUS CHEESE!…and the underlying disadvantages.

Made by ~BoredMuse

*cue the psycho-strings*

Pros: Religious cheese is an excellent tool for controlling the population. It apparently prevents a descent in barbarism. Religious cheese induces a sense of wonder.

Cons: Unfortunately religious cheese is an excellent tool for controlling the population. People have started bloodthirsty and by extension barbaric, wars in the name of religion. Scientific cheese  and understanding the universe is a better way to control ourselves. Science doesn’t start wars, unless co-opted by the military, who usually stir-up soldiers and the populace by patriotism. Scientific cheese induces a sense of wonder too. Understanding our place in the universe is both humbling and awe inspiring. There is no fear in it either. I keep finding more cons than pros here.

*…*

I’m getting sick just typing anything positive about it. For a more unbiased view, go look at this chart while I find a barf bag…just in case. They’ve done their research well:

Until next time.

Why the analogy?

What is the similarity between a Televangelist and  blue cheese? According to inside sources who wish to reman unnamed:

• A televangelist will try to convince you to spend for the cause  (in this case religion) because it’s supposedly in your best interests.
• Blue cheese is considered to be classy and the height of gourmet food during i.e. to be seen consuming it at a business mixer is in your best interests.
• Both may be unappealing a on the outside to a skeptic.
• Depending on the crowd you maybe ostracized when not seen partaking in it or worse visibly rejecting it.

Now here is where it gets a little iffy. Depending on you taste buds, blue cheese might taste delicious despite the moldy appearance (duh) and smell. Religion on the other hand may require a lot of brainwashing convincing. I personally like cheese in most forms and there is way to tell if blue cheese has gone bad.  It’s a lot harder to determine if the religion you want to convert to is benign enough to hold yur best interests in the forefront or if it’s a cult you are joining.

How to Tell when Blue Cheese Is Bad: 5 steps – wikiHow.

Go read it. I’ll wait.

For the TL;DR crowd, there is a way to distinguish that bad cheese from the good stuff. Mainly the blue turning into green, the white if the cheese going off, the smell and signs of sliminess.

If only there were a way of doing that with religions. After all movie cults are bad and blatantly obvious examples of them. Fear not for yours truly has done some research.

howcultswork.com.

If you have the patience to go through it as well (trust me, it’s worth it). But if you have enough time to attend a Sunday sermon where you sit and balance your cheque-book, then you have time to go through this article.

For those of you who did go through the similarities between both links, the similarities may become obvious, or not. If not, I will explain this. Next time.

No crazy theories. Only facts that we try to uncover. We at the stinking cheese love logical and scientific thinking, so feedback is encouraged.

The truth may smell!